


Nothing Stops Another Day

by LouBelle04 (LisaLou91)



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 16:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaLou91/pseuds/LouBelle04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ruth's thoughts at a difficult time in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Stops Another Day

“Ruth? Would you like to go out to dinner with me one day next week? If you’re free, I mean.”

Just then, I was called back to work by one of my colleagues. I muttered an apology and left, quickly. I didn’t know how to answer his question then; two days and a great deal of thought later and I still don’t. Luckily I’ve managed to avoid him since he asked the question. It’s not that I don’t want to go. I am certain it would be a lovely evening. Great food and wonderful company. It sounds perfect. It would be perfect. But I don’t know whether I could go and accept how much everything has changed. How can I even contemplate dinner, after everything that has happened?

Oh Harry.

  
_I see the sunrise from my window_   
_It must have risen everyday_   
_But I couldn’t see at all_   
_The shadows were too tall_   
_But I am seeing it today_   
  


It’s been five months since I left England, three since I settled in Cyprus, two and a half since I found a place to live in Polis, two since I began work at the local hospital and one since George and I have become friends.

It’s strange. I feel as if I’ve been on autopilot ever since I stepped from that awful barge onto French soil. I don’t know how I managed to stay safe when my entire world had been ripped away from me and shattered into pieces. I drifted from place to place, without taking any of it in. I even managed to buy a flat here, without really seeing where here is.

This morning, I woke up and it’s as if I saw the sun for the first time in years. How can I not have noticed how beautiful Polis is in the early morning light?

  
_I could see the people speaking_   
_I couldn’t hear a word they say_   
_Just the echo of it all_   
_Passing through an empty hall_   
_I’m hearing it today_   
  


I used to hear the echoes of conversations which have been lost to the wind. Harry asking me to dinner. Malcolm’s thoughts on the subject the next day. Harry’s words of ‘self-control and self-denial’ in the corridor. Jo, and the moment she interrupted in the same corridor, another time.  
Instead of tuning into the world of those around me, I was lost in my world of long lost conversations, with friends whose faces I would never see again.

This morning, instead of merely existing, and only focusing on my sorrow, I’m noticing things about the people around me. One young girl I work with in the hospital is pregnant, and glowing with happiness. One of the nurses is whispering about her affair with a doctor to another of the nurses. They all have their lives to live, and I haven’t even noticed. How could I not have really seen these people before today?

  
_Because the world keeps turning_   
_And I guess it always will_   
_I can choose to turn around_   
_Or I can choose to just stand still_   
_Either way, nothing stops another day._   
  


The world will continue to change and grow, and people will be born, will live and will die. Will I stay stuck in my rut of grief, and regrets forever? Or will I be able to move on? Yet another question I don’t know the answer to.

I can try to forget, or at least move away from the past; from London and Harry. Or I can try to cope with my life, as it is at this moment in time. But can I really forget about Harry? So many questions.

  
_I lost my life and all its meaning_   
_And so I locked myself away_   
_But in my heart behind a wall_   
_I couldn’t feel it beat at all_   
_But I’m feeling it today_   
  


I can’t describe what it was like to be a fugitive; a criminal. What is was like to be on the run. What it IS like to be on the run. Because I’m never going to be able to forget that I’m supposed to be dead. It’s awful. I miss everything about England. About London. About The Grid, my house, my cats. Harry. I miss him most of all. Which seems silly because, Harry and I, we were barely a ‘thing’; were barely anything. Our entire physical relationship can be summed up in two kisses, two wonderful goodbye kisses on that dock. And yet there seemed to be so much more between us.

When I left, I didn’t stop travelling for five days, barely pausing for sleep. Then I came across a small French village; Belcastel. I rented a room in a tiny inn and cried. I cried for everything that was, that could have been, and would never be.

The next morning, I woke up and it was as if the shutters had dropped down on my life in London. I wasn’t yet living my new life, but I wasn’t ready to let go of my old one. I was stuck. It was a horrible feeling, being caught between two worlds. Now that I’ve begun to accept that I am part of a new life, I didn’t realise just how horrible it was, being stuck half-in and half-out of my old one.

Another thing I realised, this morning, is that I need to stop living on autopilot, denying myself even the fond memories of London, and begin to make new memories in this beautiful town, and with these people.

  
_Because the world keeps turning_  
 _And I guess it always will_  
 _I can choose to turn around,_  
 _Or I can choose to just stand still_  
 _Either way, nothing stops another day_

_I know I have to let go_  
 _Of the life I’ll never know_  
 _Hard as it may be_  
  


I have to stop thinking about what could have happened, were I to have stayed in London. Would Harry and I ever have found our way back to each other? Would I have stopped running from him? I don’t know. I’ll never know. I loved him. He loved me. I know that was what he wanted to say to me on the docks. I couldn’t have let him utter those words. It would have made it 100 times harder to leave the life I led in London, and 1000 times harder to leave him.  
I can’t keep questioning every decision of those last two days in London. Realising that something else could have been done won’t change what was done. I know that now.

  
_I’m trying to understand instead_   
_There’s another life ahead_   
  


I have the rest of my life in front of me; I mustn’t waste it with wishing for the past. A part of me will always love Harry, but now I can compartmentalise and move on from that part of my life. I’ll always think fondly of Harry, but I won’t hold on to the past. Hopefully, soon, I’ll be able to think about London without the pain in my heart, to which I have become so accustomed.

I can’t live on regrets for the rest of my life. My life in London is over. I need to begin to think of it as just a chapter in my life. School, university, MI-5. Harry. Everything between Harry and I was just part of the ‘MI-5’ chapter of my life. Move on, and embrace the new chapter. Come on, Ruth. I used to enjoy the challenge of a seemingly unsolvable case on The Grid. That’s what I need to do, I think. I have to see this, see Cyprus, as a new challenge in my life. Leave Ruth Evershed behind, and embrace the new ‘me’.

  
_Because the tallest mountain_   
_Cannot stop the smallest stream_   
_Winter can’t hold back the spring_   
_No matter how dark it may seem_   
_Come what may, nothing stops another day_   
_Come what may_   
_Nothing stops another day_   
  


“George? I’d love to have dinner with you.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven’t heard this song, I’d recommend it! It’s lovely. Type ‘Ghost The Musical - Nothing Stops Another Day’ into YouTube.  
> I hope you liked this fic, it’s my first attempt at a songfic and I just think of Ruth everytime I hear it.  
> Reviews/comments are totally welcome!!  
> LBx


End file.
